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Now, when most strangers hear ole cmsix say he's from Atlanta, Texas, they immediately think two things about him: one, he's naive, 'n' two he's dumber'n a ten-penny nail fer thinkin' Atlanta's anyplace but in Georgia. Th' real Naive quickly sets 'em straight on that there first point, but ole cmsix, he don't bother correctin' 'em on that second one. Why not? Well, that's cause one, he's slicker'n thirty-weight, 'n' two, he's lazier'n a blue-tick hound at mid-day in August. Them what knows him real good kin tell you which'n's th' main reason. Or, y'all kin jest read th' followin' 'n' make up yer own mind.Sev'ral months ago ole cmsix done wandered into Jim Bob's Horny Toad Saloon 'n' Bait Shop 'n' wuz sittin' at his usual table, eatin' peanuts 'n' swappin' some o' his world-famous stories fer some Lone Star longnecks. All of a sudden th' door opens 'n' here come this here fancy, long-legged redhead what looked like she wuz a smugglin' cantaloupes in her tube top. She wandered over 'n'. ..but she handed me an amulet and said that it would grant me an infinite amount of wishes no matter what they were. She then took a few steps back and vanished into thin air. I thought I was dreaming so I just went back to my hotel room and went to sleep. The next morning, I awoke to find the amulet on the night table beside my bed. I put it around my neck, and decided to test it. The television had one of those Holiday Spa ads on, so I closed my eyes and thought about looking just like Heather Locklear. I opened my eyes and was shocked! Looking back at me, out of the mirror, was the beautiful Miss Locklear wearing that skimpy blue bikini that she wears in those ads. A fiendishly delicious plan suddenly popped into my brain, and I put the amulet around my neck and wished that the next person to put this amulet on after me, will wake up the next morning, as whatever they think of. I wished it so hard that it almost gave me a headache. "Now Gary," I thought, "if I can find.
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